What Makes a Man?

This past Thursday might have marked the end of a chapter in my calling as a believer, and I told the men just as much. “This might be the last time I speak to you guys. I have the sense that God might be leading me to help serve in youth work for a while. Of course, if I’ve got my wires crossed, I hope you’ll have me back.”

Not too long ago, the very notion of men’s ministry seemed rather bizarre to me. What purpose can there be in serving a specific gender? Jesus loves women too. Doesn’t He? A lot has changed in my thinking over the last few years of my walk with Christ and in particular, this past week has highlighted many of those changes.

My Boys

Last Monday, our church held its annual men’s chili cookoff. My ten year old sons have gone with me for the past two years and we were planning to go together this year, when my oldest son asked me, “Dad. Isn’t the men’s chili cookoff for men? I mean, grown men?”

I responded by asking a question in return. “Well son, what makes a man? How do you know when a boy has become a man? How about when he’s 10 years old?”

“No. Not when he’s 10.”

“Okay then. Is he a man when he’s 16? How about 18? If he is a man when he’s 18, how about the day before he turns 18?”

Thinking through the matter at hand, he eventually told me, “I don’t know dad. I guess it’s not that simple.”

I then turned the question over to his younger brother. “How about you son? When do you think a boy becomes a man?”

Processing it for a moment or two, he looked at me and said, “When he becomes responsible.”

There’s likely more to it, but I accepted his answer.

At Work

I’m not a very effective evangelist. I have yet to make disciples out of all my coworkers. I know that many of you believe in the great commission and you are much more productive than I. I’m very happy for you. Even though I haven’t gotten everyone to place their trust in Christ, I am blessed to have some productive conversations.

Billy-Bob is our resident Mac-loving fan boy. He also watches a fair bit of television programming and he was telling me about a show he often watches called Intervention. He was talking about it saying, “So many people, when you listen to them they all have the same sob story. My dad was a drunk, so it’s his fault that I turned out to be a drunk. Or he was on drugs, or he was never there for us. He walked out on us. Just once I’d like to hear someone say, mom was a drunk. This is all her fault.”

There are a lot of horrible moms out there I’m sure. In fact, I can think of one past friend of mine who has some serious grievances against his mom. Yet, overwhelmingly, the fathers in our lives seem to have the potential to inflict the greatest wounds and leave behind many of life’s greatest scars. I don’t think it’s because men sin more, but there is something quite damaging at work when we fail to become real men.

Manning Up

Granted, I'm sure there is more to manhood, but if responsibility is part of it, then failing to rise to the call leaves its mark on those who should have been able to count on us. There is a multitude of ways we shirk our responsibility, from living out a pleasure seeking life, or being absent altogether. Most of you must know some stories that begin with, Daddy came home drunk (or high). They aren’t happy stories are they?

As I’m writing this post, the words of one father in particular are coming to mind. “I often stayed away from home, because I knew that if I went home, there would be things that I would have to do.”

I’m incredibly tolerant. In fact, it’s almost sickening how fine I am with people who insist on ruining their lives, and the lives of those around them. You can’t accuse me of trying to run your life, but something in me yearns for all of us to be what my son sees as being the qualifier for true manhood.

Over and over I talk to men who feel like they having done anything with their lives or careers. How often do we consider that the impact of our lives has very little to do with our accomplishments in the workforce, but more to do with our place in the lives of those who intersect with ours?

I knew a man who left his job to pursue his dream career. While he was in school, his family nearly starved. In the end, he returned to his original truck driving job anyway. All through the process, he kept saying, “God wants me to be happy. Right?” You can hate him all you like, but hate me while you’re at it. I was right beside him all the way saying, “Sure. I guess He wants you to be happy.”

Conclusion?

If you aren’t a believer, I don’t expect you to lay down your life for your family. If you want a bike, the drug or the hobby, I expect you to go get it. If you are a believer, I still don’t expect you to lay down your life, but we claim to be following the One who did. Much of the time, something is amiss. Am I wrong?

There is a tremendous need for men to be involved in men’s ministry. (Yes. There is also a need for women’s ministry.) If I move on, part of me hopes that someone will rise up to take my place. Any takers?

Men's Group Questions

I don't have any tricks up my sleeve, just a few questions to consider as we walk through Mark 11 this Thursday night. If you know all of the answers, you don't have to come. Because that's what Christian faith is all about - knowing the answers.



Mark Chapter 11

The Triumphal Entry

Knowledge?
The donkey, it’s virgin state, the objection, satisfaction
John 8:58

What’s Up With the Donkey?
Prophecy? Zech 9:9
Stately?

Hosanna – ‘Save us, we pray!’
What was their expectation?
“coming kingdom of our father David!” (2Samuel 7:11-14)
Is Jesus fulfilling the promise of 2Samuel?
Is He fulfilling it in the way people expect Him to?
How about us?

“went into the temple...looked around at everything...went out to Bethany”
What was this all about? Cheap pep rally theatrics?
Was this important?
Why the temple? Why not city hall?

Jesus Curses the Fig Tree
“In the leaf...” Is this story about a fig tree?
What would ‘in the leaf’ look like in the life of a person?

“Not the season for figs...”
Does He have the right to curse the tree, when it really isn’t season?
When we meet Jesus, it won’t matter whether we think it was our time or not.

Jesus Cleanses the Temple
What was so bad?
Money Changers
Those who sold pigeons
How do we misuse His temple today?

What is ‘the church’ for?

What is ‘your life’ for?

Why did the priests want to kill Him? For the disruption?

The Lesson of the Fig Tree
“Be taken up and thrown into the sea...”
How far do you take that?

What are the qualifiers?
It’s not a sideshow or cheap Christian performing trick!

Confidence, relationships

The Authority of Jesus Challenged
“By what authority are you doing these things?...”

Why doesn’t Jesus answer?
Was the question too hard?
Would the answer satisfy them?

What is His response?

What can we learn from His response?

What about His authority? John’s?

What do you do because of your faith? By whose authority?
Exodus 33:15

Your Question is Your Question

It was a very easy question for Him to answer.

“By whose authority did you drive out the merchants from the temple?” Mark 11:28

Any of us who would be willing to read the story of Christ could likely answer the question with ease. There is little need to head to seminary or work towards a Masters of Divinity. I just asked my 10 year old son. Even he knew the answer. So
I’m pretty sure Christ wasn’t being quizzed beyond His capacity.

Do you suppose the answer would have satisfied his audience? If He had told them, “My Father gave me the authority”, do you really think that would put the issue to rest? Up until this point, these leading priests and teachers were trying to kill him. (Mark 11:18) Do you really think that His answer would divert their purpose?

“Oh. I see. God told you to do it. That makes it all better. And to think, we were upset with you and wanted you dead. Now we know you are doing these things for God. That makes it all better. After all, we love God too. Let us do lunch sometime!”

That would be too surreal.

If you’ve chosen to take your stand with Christ, you’ve no doubt had occasions where you have been similarly put on trial. You have found that no matter how you answer the questions presented to you, nothing seems to satisfy the one who asks, even though they are normally pretty simple questions.

There are people who have genuine questions about Jesus and the faith which carries His name. Many questions which come our way however, aren’t actually questions at all. They’re merely objections which take on the form of query.

In my walk, one such trial took place a couple of years ago.

“You’re a Christian are you? Well. I have questions that you can’t answer.”

“I’m sure you do.”, I replied.

As it turns out, his questions were very simple questions, much like the one posed to Jesus in Mark 11. He didn’t have questions I couldn’t answer. Instead, the questions he had were not able to be answered in a way that pleased him.

The question he gave me in particular was the old fashioned, “If there is a God, then why is there suffering?”

I can answer the question with one word. Sin.

It answers the question, and it answers it quite directly. It does NOT however answer the question in a way that generally satisfies the one who asks.

If you have read at least the first few chapters of the Bible, you should have gathered that much yourself. God created a good world, one in which men and women would live forever. Death came into the world by the sin of one man, and it’s a curse which hangs over humanity to this day.

Jesus never answered the question posed to Him. He’s smart enough to know the difference between an honest question and an objection. Rather than answering His critics, He responded with a question of His own. If only we were that intelligent.

We don’t have to answer every question brought before us. We do have the right to remain silent, and sometimes keeping our mouth shut is the smartest thing to do. Seeing as Jesus responded with a question of his own, perhaps we should do the same if we find ourselves in a similar situation.

I don’t know why the atheist expected me to answer his life questions. Why is it my responsibility to figure life out for someone else? I’m not Jesus, so I can’t always tell if the person interrogating me is asking with an honest heart or not. What I can say, is most of the time, if I have to explain it to you, you probably won’t understand anyway.

Where is Whitney Houston?

I just heard some guy on the radio say that Whitney Houston is in heaven now. I thought we weren’t supposed to judge people. Of course, why would I assume that the radio guy is a believer? I firmly believe that it’s God’s call as to who lives in His presence.

I am also firmly convinced that we as people actually want to be judged. We just want to hear a favorable judgment. We want people to tell us that we’re okay. I have actually gotten into trouble by refusing to judge people. Perhaps the darkest spot in my ministry took place approximately 8 years ago when I told someone, “I don’t know if you’re right with God or not.”

It really isn’t my call. However, the person in question felt that I had condemned them or that I was calling their faith into question.

So if anyone ever asks you whether or not I’m a genuine believer, it’s okay if you tell them you aren’t sure. How do you know what’s really in my heart? Who made you God?

How Do You Discipline Your Kids?

The question seemed to come out of the blue. “How do you discipline your kids?” At first, I had a hard time understanding what was being asked of me. What comes to mind when you hear the question? In many ways, the question might be substituted for, “Do you spank your kids?”, or “What do you do when they do bad stuff?” These are the kinds of questions that we see researched and debated in our world.

In my opinion, rather than asking what should be done when Johnny when he spills his milk, the bigger question should sound something like this: “Who am I as a parent?”

Think about it. If your heart is as black as coal, what kind of parenting techniques do you really think could possibly make you effective as a mom or a dad? Seriously though. In our world, we’re much more concerned with our driving privileges than we are our roles as parents. A customer of mine once said, “We have to be licensed to drive a car, but any fool with a functioning set of genitals can help make a kid.”

This would be a great time to rail against dads who come home drunk and beat their families. Or I could spend the afternoon venting at the mom who would rather party with her friends while grandma holds custody of her new baby. I’d probably have a lot of fun doing that. However, as my friends have pointed out, drugs and alcohol aren’t the only things that can impair our judgment as parents.

I have a confession to make. When I was a new father, I really didn’t like my kids. True story. It’s not that I didn’t like them. After all they were great kids. I just didn’t like my role in their life. I resented the responsibility and the effect that they had on my finances. It’s an age old story. “Once the kids came along, the toys
had to go.”

Being a husband I liked. Being as husband was fun. Sex was fun. (Still is.) Going out for dinner was fun. I enjoyed my role as a husband, because it gave something to me. Being a dad, demanded much more of my person.

In all seriousness, how could a man with that mindset possibly ‘discipline’ properly? Don’t hate me and don’t think less of me. In August of ’09, Macleans magazine reports that columnist Anne Landers asked her readers, “If you had it to do over again, would you have children?” Seventy percent of respondents said, “no”.

That’s a lot of people. It was just a poll, so it may or may not be an accurate picture. If it is accurate, it means the majority of children are growing up in households where they aren’t exactly wanted. Whether spoken implicitly or forthright, being a burden on the people who brought you into the world must carry with it a certain shadow of misery.

If it wasn’t for Christ’s intervention in my life, I shudder to think of how my life as a dad would have looked, and it’s not just about the drinking or the drugs. He gave me a love for my children that was not of my own character. I truly revel in who they are, without regard for what I get back from them. That in itself underlies everything I do or don’t do as a dad.

I have no idea of the condition of your heart. You can tell me if you like. Rather than asking whether or not you spank, if you do drugs or how you deal with temper tantrums, tell me this...
What are you made of?

"How Did it Go?"

Without fail, every time I speak, people will ask me how it went. Also without fail, I never quite know how to respond.

Here is what I can say with certainty – I had my socks blessed off last night. I mean, right off! No socks. Thanks to many of my friends, last evening was the official launch for my second book entitled Alien Love. I would love to tell you that Alien Love is sweeping the nation, but to be completely forthcoming, interest in this one doesn’t seem to be as great as it was in my first work.

However, it really isn’t all about the book. I can only hope that the people there were as blessed as I was. I wish I could give you a picture of the evening as a whole, but all I can really offer is my own vantage point. As far as the message, I am confident I said the very things that I needed to say. Any more would have been overkill. Any less would have been negligent.

I FINALLY had the privilege of meeting some of the amazing people who serve on the music team at my church from St. Thomas. Which is rather ironic when I stand back to think of it. I had to go to Aylmer to meet people from my church. Weird. I hope they enjoyed their interaction with me as much as I did.

I walked away with a new CD from a young lady named Kayla Peters. Listening to her CD on the way to church this morning, I found myself wondering, “Would I have liked this CD if I had heard it when I was a teenager?”

If I could find her music online, I’d send you a link. Her style reminded me of the kind of music I listened to when I was beginning to grow facial hair, but the message is quite different. I was an earthling when I was in high school, so my taste reflected my citizenship. I guess Kayla isn’t the first female Canadian musician that I’ve enjoyed listening to. Lee Aaron would likely be the first.

During my message last evening, I made the statement saying, “This world is often really weird.” If you listened to Lee Aaron’s song, just think about it. We glorify acting like animals. Is that not bizarre? I suppose I find it strange now, but back in the day, I really couldn’t see it.

I am so encouraged to see another generation rising up to take their stand as followers of Christ. I want to name names, but I’ll forget someone and then I’ll feel really bad about it.

I believe that the evening was recorded. If I can get the recording, I’ll make it available here and likely on my Facebook page.

I am very thankful to everyone who came last evening and to everyone who played a part. Once again, I find myself deeper in your debt. If I never find a way to repay you, could you forgive me the indiscretion?

Alien Love - Coming Jan 28, 2012

Praise God! My second published book entitled, Alien Love has finally landed for good. Thanks to my friends at Aylmer’s EMMC, the official launch will be held this Saturday, January 28th at Aylmer’s Old Town Hall at 6:30pm.

Just in case you are considering attending, I want to give you a little heads up as far as what you can expect to hear from me.

Sin

I don’t know why, but whenever I speak, I always talk about sin. Don’t hate me for it. Talk to The Once who lives in me and compels me in His service. But yeah. I’ll probably talk about sin. So if you have any sins that you really want to hold on to and want to make sure that I don’t deal with your particular brand of depravity, let me know. Of course, if you’re drawn to me, you probably wouldn’t be that forthcoming. Would you?

I mean, if you really want someone to help you to feel good about your dirt, there are any number of people in the world who could help you with that. If that describes you, might I recommend Lady Gaga, 50 Cent, Nickelback or Katy Perry?

I’m not trying to scare you off, but I don’t want you to come and be all surprised or anything.

Jesus

Maybe the sin stuff might be the part that catches our attention, either for good or for bad. However, it’s really all about Christ. It’s supposed to be His show. I didn’t write my book to make a name for myself or to supplement my income. I do what I do because I believe that Jesus is the Christ; the only true hope for humanity.

No. I didn’t say that Christianity is the hope. I didn’t say that the church is the hope. I said I believe firmly that Jesus is the answer to our greatest need. He gave His life up for me and it would be remiss of me were I not to acknowledge Him as He is.

It’s Not All About Me

Sure, this is my blog and my personal space, but the evening really isn’t all about me. Local musician Kayla Peters will also be there promoting her first CD. From what I can tell by following her on Facebook, she loves Jesus too. She will be leading us in song along with a few other gifted musicians from the Aylmer area.

Beyond that, it isn’t even about Kayla and I. The evening itself is really part of the EMMC’s regular Saturday evening worship services. They have been so kind to Kayla and myself that it would be wonderful if you would consider blessing them with your presence. If you’re looking for a church that loves the Lord and preaches the Word of God, I’d encourage you to check them out.

Whether you come or not, whether you buy a book or a CD, I pray that you know Christ personally. If you don’t, I hope you’ll consider Him as He is, for who He is.

In Christ;

Love Kevin