Monday, June 20, 2011

Courage

As some of you may know, my family and I have been praying for a young boy named Jamie. Over a month ago, he won his personal battle with cancer. He is now living in glory with Jesus. His family had set up a Facebook page called Jamie’s Courage. Appropriately so.

Jamie’s father and I were friends while we were in public school together. Midway through high school we began to lose touch, and after graduating, we really didn’t see each other at all. It wasn’t until publishing my first book that I had the privilege of being reacquainted with my friend. I had brought a copy of The Edge of His Cloak to the local bookstore in the hopes that they would stock it on their shelves, only to find out that my friend was part owner of the store.

When standing back to consider the situation, it’s rather ironic. We were reunited through a book written largely about healing. He lost his son shortly thereafter.

The kind of heroes that we celebrate in our culture often wear spandex and fly around using some spectacular means. They risk life and limb without pay or recognition, often keeping their personal identity a secret. These mythical heroes are rather surreal, because these are not the type of heroes that we encounter in real life. As I survey the course of my own life, there are few on whom I would bestow the title of a true hero. Jamie would be perhaps that one exception.

I have never been known to be much of a fighter, in any sense of the word. Whenever I face a challenge, my natural instinct is to curl up into a little ball and suck my thumb. Much of life proves itself to be a battle. I often lie down in bed praying to God,

“Dear God. I’m so tired of the struggles of life. Please bring me home. Let me wake up in your presence. Just don't let it hurt.”

Granted, were I to face death head on, I might have a little fight in me. My general attitude towards life’s battles however, tends to be one of melancholic surrender.

When I was a young man, about Jamie’s age, I read my first book. In fact, it was the only book that I read of my own free will for many years. The book was called, “I Want To Go Home”, by Gordon Korman. It was about a young boy named Rudy Miller whose parents dumped him off at summer camp. He spent the bulk of his time trying to escape his summer camp prison.

I often reflect on that book, as if I saw myself in the character of Rudy. I spend much of my life feeling as if I’ve been dumped off at summer camp. Many people remember their childhood days at summer camp fondly. For my part, summer camp was perhaps one of the worst experiences of my life. Prophetic in many ways; but painful. I found myself, like Rudy, begrudgingly playing games I didn’t want to play, surrounded by other boys who seemed to be having the time of their lives.

As a man, I live within a similar analogy. I live as an alien, surrounded primarily by people who seem to feel quite at home here. If you follow me on Facebook, you likely noticed me even comment a few weeks ago saying, “I just want to go home.”

Picture the scene if you will. Imagine a 30 ish man, who frequently considers giving up on life, praying for a boy who fights for every breath. There is a peculiar dichotomy at work is there not? Why fight? Why press on? What would I do in such a place? Would I fight? Or would I accept my ticket home?

When we watch Spiderman squaring off against Dr. Octopus, we really aren’t all that concerned. We know that Spidey always comes out on top in these moves, and even if he doesn’t, he isn’t real anyway. Stories such as Spiderman or Thor really don’t challenge us all that much, because they are removed and separated from the trappings of reality.

Real life has a way of reaching our hearts in a way that fiction cannot. When we watch a young boy press in as he gazes upon death itself, the truth of it has a way of penetrating our hearts and bringing to light our own cowardice. Raw courage reveals itself not when we are unafraid, but rather when we are most fearful. Bravery is proven when it keeps fighting, even while the rest of the world has given up.

Through Jamie, I realize that it isn’t all about me. I have understood the theology of it for some time, yet the true magnitude of it generally evades my person. There are lives which intertwine themselves with mine which are worth fighting for. There are other people who need me here as long as The Lord wills it, and for their sake, it’s best that I be willing to remain in the struggle, even if it isn’t fun for me.

When I consider Jamie, I recognize my cowardly naval gazing for what it is. Jamie compels me to be a better man. Here is how I choose to honour the life that he lived. As long as I walk in the truth, I’ll fight for each breath. I’ll lean in where I’ve been tempted to fall back. I’ll forge ahead into those places where I’d rather retreat.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Laughing at Our Shame

Please forgive me if I don’t share every grimy detail of my life with you. I know I have shared some pretty personal things here in blog world, but there is still room for discretion, especially on the world wide web.

This past weekend has been a time for me to reflect on some of the differences between the person I was, versus the man that I am in Christ. A close personal friend of mine recently brought up one of the more shameful moments of my life. It’s not the kind of story that I want to share with you. In her defense, the friend in question had no way of knowing that her comments would take me back to such an embarrassing time.

You see, at one point in time, my moment of shame used to be my very crown and glory. You have heard similar acts of heroism have you not? In his letter to the believers in Philippi, Paul makes mention of people whose, “god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth.” Philippians 3:19

For some people, this life really is all that there is. Do you know people like that? Are you that kind of person? Were you that kind of person? Thankfully, Paul doesn’t name names. (How embarrassing would that be?) He just talks about a type of people; people whose appetites are their god. Much of their talk and thought life revolves around their gut. They are proud of the very things that bring dishonor to their name. They laugh at their own stupidity. Horrible people. The scourge of the earth.

Do you know who these people are? It’s rather strange how it all unfolded, but the very things that I used to hold up as my crowning glory have become the very things that I would like stricken from the record. It isn’t that I have turned over a new leaf or cleaned up my act. I am a new person in Christ.

I guess this is part of the reason why we’re often so resistant to God’s redemptive work and call on our lives. The things that we often view as being our greatest human achievements are the very same things that are detestable in God’s sight. I guess I’m a prude, but I really don’t like being laughed at for my own stupidity anymore. I don’t mind being ridiculed for being one of those cross-kissers. I can handle being mocked for something I know to be good, honorable and right, but it isn’t much fun to be laughed at for getting piss drunk and eating a pound of live goldfish.

(If that sounds rude, you’re quite right. That’s kind of the point. It is rude.)

As for the problem with the people that Paul is speaking on, the fact that they like watching the cooking channel really isn’t the problem. The problem is a heart problem.

You can do whatever you want. You really can. The reality however, is that our actions reveal our true character. If your actions reveal that you are a, adulterer, a drunk, a pot-head, a liar, a slanderer or a gossiper, are you fine with that? Perhaps you are fine with that. Perhaps it’s even funny, if not your own personal crown.

Its fine to be a drunk or a liar as long as we laugh isn’t it? Above the door jamb of our hunting camp, there is a sign that reads, “Hunters, fishermen and other liars gather here.” It’s the kind of sign that makes most people smile or chuckle a little bit, because we all know that fishermen love to embellish their heroic catch. As long as we can laugh at it, it’s ok.

There are different ways to brag about our personal shame. Liars sometimes pride themselves on their personal skill of being able to keep a straight face. Swindlers might tell of the way that they really scammed someone in their latest transaction. Drinking stories tend to take on the form of skill and bravery.

As for my personal shame, I’ll leave you guessing. All I’ll say is this;

It’s just not funny anymore.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Cold Feet - The Pre-Wedding Jitters

A friend of mine is getting married in the next couple of weeks. Every once in a while he mentions that he’s getting a little bit nervous about the thought of being married. We’ve never had the time to sit down and flesh out the root of his jitters, so I’m left for the moment to speculate. Being afraid of commitment, let alone marriage is a big issue for some people. Being committed to anything, let alone in marriage, comes with obligations. Commitments always demand something of us.

I have every confidence that my friend will follow through, but it’s not uncommon for people to submit to their fears. Some of our fears are born of reality. Marriage can be tough. Sometimes they die and no matter how much one person wants to hold on, the other isn’t willing. There is always an area of uncertainty when entering into any relationship with another human being.

Unfortunately, we are a creature that often responds to fear. How else to you suppose Harold Camping has been able to draw such a following? I encourage you to think of all of the ways in which fear destroys relationships. How does fear show itself in unforgiveness? Suppose you have been wronged. What keeps you from reaching out to the person even after they have repented? Are you afraid? Do you fear that they really haven’t been changed?

Why do you lie? We tend to lie because of fear. We lie because we’re afraid of the consequences of the truth. We fear how the other person might respond if we were to be completely forthcoming.

If you are in Christ, these words of Paul apply to you;

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline” 2Timothy 1:7

Paul wasn’t speaking within the context of marriage. He was encouraging Timothy to be bold as a witness for Christ. The principle however applies to every facet of our life, including our relationships. Paul describes fear as a ‘spirit’. When we submit to that spirit, it tends to produce destructive fruit. Fear breeds mistrust, separation and even animosity.

In marriage, if we live out a life of fear, we really don’t give everything that the relationship deserves. We hold back. It even goes so far as to affect the tone and our posture towards the other person. The more we hold back, the more the relationship suffers. Christian marriage isn’t a partnership. We are called to become one flesh, even so much as the body of the one belongs to the other.

Don’t you DARE use that as an excuse to be domineering or abusive.

If you live in fear, can you possibly completely surrender to the other? Can unity exist where fear is the motivating spirit?

If you are among those who have those before marriage jitters, I encourage you to take heart from an old school friend of mine. He was kind of nervous himself. He took comfort in this thought,

“At least it’s not forever. It’s only until one of us dies.”

I know. It doesn’t melt your heart like a well crafted Disney moment.

There are no guarantees. However, marriage can be good. It can be amazing. Don’t let your personal insecurities ruin something that has the potential be the second most important relationship of your life. (Next to Jesus.)