Don't Work On Your Marriage

  Here is where I finally blow it.  I am about to write something that flies in the face of what many or most serious Christians in my life have to say about the topic.    Actually, you may be one of the many people in my life, who at one time said this to me, “You need to work on your marriage for it to be successful.”

  Don’t get me wrong.  I think marriage is great.  The bond between husband and wife can be beautiful, romantic and God glorifying all at the same time.  Still, I don’t really believe in “working on my marriage”.

  To be sure, many of the things that I do might be considered by some as an attempt to “work on my marriage”.  I do most of those things we read about in those, ‘Top Ten Tips for a Successful Marriage” articles.   I simply don’t do those kinds of things as a way to put effort into the relationship.

    We are planning to go on another date this coming month.  We’ll likely go to Boston Pizza.  She’ll order a chocolate eruption cake and I’ll down a perogy pizza.  After that we’ll stay the night at a motel.  In the morning we’ll go shopping at Dollarama.  We often go for walks together to the back of our farm.  It’s a 2k walk there and back.  When she asks me to do something, I do it.  I don’t do these things because I’m trying to make it work.  I do them because I love her.  We go out together because we like being together.  I pick up my clothes because she’s my wife, not my mom.

   If you are married, I hope you enjoy a healthy marriage.  As important as our marriages are, (And I believe that God hates divorce) I really find that for the believer, our marriage is secondary to our relationship with Christ.

1 Corinthians 7:29
But let me say this, dear brothers and sisters: The time that remains is very short. So from now on, those with wives should not focus only on their marriage

   The Bible has a lot to say about the relationship between husbands and wives, yet it isn’t the primary theme throughout scripture.  Marriage is meant to be a very brief lifelong affair.  If we are to ‘work on a relationship’, the relationship that calls for the most attention is our relationship to Christ. 

  In Christian circles, we have developed a significant amount of resources designed to help strengthen our marriages.  Most of them are wonderful.  Is it not possible, as noble as the cause may be that we occasionally snub the true lover of our soul in the process? 

  What I’m advocating isn’t necessarily a recipe for a successful marriage, although, most of the time, if our hearts really are walking in step with Jesus, the overflow out of it tends to improve our relationships with other people.

    If I grow in my relationship with God having the love of Christ, the peace of Christ, the patience of Christ, the kindness of Christ and the gentleness of Christ, what kind of impact do you think it would have on my marriage?  And if in growing more like Christ doesn’t make me a better husband, what kind of God am I seeking after anyway?  An authentically deepening relationship with Jesus, often benefits the relationships we have with others.  (Often, not always)

  There are no guarantees in life.  If you were to pour all of your attention into your marriage, you are only one part of the equation.  Sorry folks.  Wives leave perfectly decent husbands.  And there are husbands who leave, even when they have a good thing going.  Even if you do everything you possibly could, you might not find yourself capable of maintaining the relationship.

   I won’t ask you to model your marriage after mine.  I won’t even ask that you seek to be married.  I would encourage you to either receive or to remain in fellowship with Christ.  Our relationship with Him deserves the attention.

 (Unless your God is dead, and unable to make you more like Christ.  In that case, work on your marriage.)

Covering Up Sin

This week I posted this on my Facebook:

“So you’ve turned from a life of sin.  What lengths do you go to cover up your tracks?”

   I thought I’d answer my own question here in this space, because it wouldn’t fit under comments.

   I guess to me, the phrase ‘cover up’ sounds misplaced.  When I think of someone covering something up, it’s usually in reference to someone who is afraid that they will get caught.  They aren’t really sorry that they did the deed.  They just don’t want to be found out.

  Having been forgiven, I’m really not proud of my shame, but I don’t live in hiding either.  So where I don’t feel the need to cover my old life as some dirty secret, there are reasons why we don’t intentionally broadcast our past depravity.  Here are a couple of reasons.

God Will Forgive You – The World Probably Won’t.

  If you have believed in Christ, in the way you have been called, your sins are forgiven.  The world however is not so forgiving.  Oh.  They say they are tolerant.  In actual fact, we are the ones who are expected to be tolerant.

  If I say Tiger Woods, we remember his infidelity.  If you were alive during Nixon’s time, you will no doubt associate his memory with scandal.  God wipes the slate clean for those who receive His pardon.  The world will hold your crimes against you as long as she can remember them, perhaps longer.

  It’s no secret that employers often pass over potential employees after discovering their dirt.  So maybe the picture with you and the crack pipe would be better left off of your Timeline.  Just saying.  You might be proud of who you were and all, but it might hamper your future.

The Immaturity of Others

  If everyone was jumping off of a bridge would you?  A lot of people would.  I had the privilege of listening to this conversation between a man and a son a few weeks ago.

  “Hey dad.  I want to do STUPID THING”

  “Don’t do STUPID THING son.  It’s stupid”

  “Sure dad.  But you did STUPID THING when you were younger.”

  “I know son.  But it’s really stupid.  So you shouldn’t do STUPID THING.”

  “That’s not fair dad.  You did STUPID THING when you were young, so why can’t I do STUPID THING now?”

   Unless you live under a rock, you have known people to do stupid things, just because other people did stupid things.   You probably know of people who were unfaithful, because someone else was unfaithful.

  Just so you know.  The young man ended up doing STUPID THING.  People are dumb.  We use the sins of others to justify our own.  When others find out your sins, some of them will be tempted to use them to justify doing the same.

  This isn’t the whole story on the topic.  It’s only part of it.  There is a place to publicly confess, as a way to speak against the issue itself.  Feel free to write that part yourself.