Cold Feet - The Pre-Wedding Jitters

A friend of mine is getting married in the next couple of weeks. Every once in a while he mentions that he’s getting a little bit nervous about the thought of being married. We’ve never had the time to sit down and flesh out the root of his jitters, so I’m left for the moment to speculate. Being afraid of commitment, let alone marriage is a big issue for some people. Being committed to anything, let alone in marriage, comes with obligations. Commitments always demand something of us.

I have every confidence that my friend will follow through, but it’s not uncommon for people to submit to their fears. Some of our fears are born of reality. Marriage can be tough. Sometimes they die and no matter how much one person wants to hold on, the other isn’t willing. There is always an area of uncertainty when entering into any relationship with another human being.

Unfortunately, we are a creature that often responds to fear. How else to you suppose Harold Camping has been able to draw such a following? I encourage you to think of all of the ways in which fear destroys relationships. How does fear show itself in unforgiveness? Suppose you have been wronged. What keeps you from reaching out to the person even after they have repented? Are you afraid? Do you fear that they really haven’t been changed?

Why do you lie? We tend to lie because of fear. We lie because we’re afraid of the consequences of the truth. We fear how the other person might respond if we were to be completely forthcoming.

If you are in Christ, these words of Paul apply to you;

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline” 2Timothy 1:7

Paul wasn’t speaking within the context of marriage. He was encouraging Timothy to be bold as a witness for Christ. The principle however applies to every facet of our life, including our relationships. Paul describes fear as a ‘spirit’. When we submit to that spirit, it tends to produce destructive fruit. Fear breeds mistrust, separation and even animosity.

In marriage, if we live out a life of fear, we really don’t give everything that the relationship deserves. We hold back. It even goes so far as to affect the tone and our posture towards the other person. The more we hold back, the more the relationship suffers. Christian marriage isn’t a partnership. We are called to become one flesh, even so much as the body of the one belongs to the other.

Don’t you DARE use that as an excuse to be domineering or abusive.

If you live in fear, can you possibly completely surrender to the other? Can unity exist where fear is the motivating spirit?

If you are among those who have those before marriage jitters, I encourage you to take heart from an old school friend of mine. He was kind of nervous himself. He took comfort in this thought,

“At least it’s not forever. It’s only until one of us dies.”

I know. It doesn’t melt your heart like a well crafted Disney moment.

There are no guarantees. However, marriage can be good. It can be amazing. Don’t let your personal insecurities ruin something that has the potential be the second most important relationship of your life. (Next to Jesus.)