What Makes a Man?

This past Thursday might have marked the end of a chapter in my calling as a believer, and I told the men just as much. “This might be the last time I speak to you guys. I have the sense that God might be leading me to help serve in youth work for a while. Of course, if I’ve got my wires crossed, I hope you’ll have me back.”

Not too long ago, the very notion of men’s ministry seemed rather bizarre to me. What purpose can there be in serving a specific gender? Jesus loves women too. Doesn’t He? A lot has changed in my thinking over the last few years of my walk with Christ and in particular, this past week has highlighted many of those changes.

My Boys

Last Monday, our church held its annual men’s chili cookoff. My ten year old sons have gone with me for the past two years and we were planning to go together this year, when my oldest son asked me, “Dad. Isn’t the men’s chili cookoff for men? I mean, grown men?”

I responded by asking a question in return. “Well son, what makes a man? How do you know when a boy has become a man? How about when he’s 10 years old?”

“No. Not when he’s 10.”

“Okay then. Is he a man when he’s 16? How about 18? If he is a man when he’s 18, how about the day before he turns 18?”

Thinking through the matter at hand, he eventually told me, “I don’t know dad. I guess it’s not that simple.”

I then turned the question over to his younger brother. “How about you son? When do you think a boy becomes a man?”

Processing it for a moment or two, he looked at me and said, “When he becomes responsible.”

There’s likely more to it, but I accepted his answer.

At Work

I’m not a very effective evangelist. I have yet to make disciples out of all my coworkers. I know that many of you believe in the great commission and you are much more productive than I. I’m very happy for you. Even though I haven’t gotten everyone to place their trust in Christ, I am blessed to have some productive conversations.

Billy-Bob is our resident Mac-loving fan boy. He also watches a fair bit of television programming and he was telling me about a show he often watches called Intervention. He was talking about it saying, “So many people, when you listen to them they all have the same sob story. My dad was a drunk, so it’s his fault that I turned out to be a drunk. Or he was on drugs, or he was never there for us. He walked out on us. Just once I’d like to hear someone say, mom was a drunk. This is all her fault.”

There are a lot of horrible moms out there I’m sure. In fact, I can think of one past friend of mine who has some serious grievances against his mom. Yet, overwhelmingly, the fathers in our lives seem to have the potential to inflict the greatest wounds and leave behind many of life’s greatest scars. I don’t think it’s because men sin more, but there is something quite damaging at work when we fail to become real men.

Manning Up

Granted, I'm sure there is more to manhood, but if responsibility is part of it, then failing to rise to the call leaves its mark on those who should have been able to count on us. There is a multitude of ways we shirk our responsibility, from living out a pleasure seeking life, or being absent altogether. Most of you must know some stories that begin with, Daddy came home drunk (or high). They aren’t happy stories are they?

As I’m writing this post, the words of one father in particular are coming to mind. “I often stayed away from home, because I knew that if I went home, there would be things that I would have to do.”

I’m incredibly tolerant. In fact, it’s almost sickening how fine I am with people who insist on ruining their lives, and the lives of those around them. You can’t accuse me of trying to run your life, but something in me yearns for all of us to be what my son sees as being the qualifier for true manhood.

Over and over I talk to men who feel like they having done anything with their lives or careers. How often do we consider that the impact of our lives has very little to do with our accomplishments in the workforce, but more to do with our place in the lives of those who intersect with ours?

I knew a man who left his job to pursue his dream career. While he was in school, his family nearly starved. In the end, he returned to his original truck driving job anyway. All through the process, he kept saying, “God wants me to be happy. Right?” You can hate him all you like, but hate me while you’re at it. I was right beside him all the way saying, “Sure. I guess He wants you to be happy.”

Conclusion?

If you aren’t a believer, I don’t expect you to lay down your life for your family. If you want a bike, the drug or the hobby, I expect you to go get it. If you are a believer, I still don’t expect you to lay down your life, but we claim to be following the One who did. Much of the time, something is amiss. Am I wrong?

There is a tremendous need for men to be involved in men’s ministry. (Yes. There is also a need for women’s ministry.) If I move on, part of me hopes that someone will rise up to take my place. Any takers?