Don't Work On Your Marriage

  Here is where I finally blow it.  I am about to write something that flies in the face of what many or most serious Christians in my life have to say about the topic.    Actually, you may be one of the many people in my life, who at one time said this to me, “You need to work on your marriage for it to be successful.”

  Don’t get me wrong.  I think marriage is great.  The bond between husband and wife can be beautiful, romantic and God glorifying all at the same time.  Still, I don’t really believe in “working on my marriage”.

  To be sure, many of the things that I do might be considered by some as an attempt to “work on my marriage”.  I do most of those things we read about in those, ‘Top Ten Tips for a Successful Marriage” articles.   I simply don’t do those kinds of things as a way to put effort into the relationship.

    We are planning to go on another date this coming month.  We’ll likely go to Boston Pizza.  She’ll order a chocolate eruption cake and I’ll down a perogy pizza.  After that we’ll stay the night at a motel.  In the morning we’ll go shopping at Dollarama.  We often go for walks together to the back of our farm.  It’s a 2k walk there and back.  When she asks me to do something, I do it.  I don’t do these things because I’m trying to make it work.  I do them because I love her.  We go out together because we like being together.  I pick up my clothes because she’s my wife, not my mom.

   If you are married, I hope you enjoy a healthy marriage.  As important as our marriages are, (And I believe that God hates divorce) I really find that for the believer, our marriage is secondary to our relationship with Christ.

1 Corinthians 7:29
But let me say this, dear brothers and sisters: The time that remains is very short. So from now on, those with wives should not focus only on their marriage

   The Bible has a lot to say about the relationship between husbands and wives, yet it isn’t the primary theme throughout scripture.  Marriage is meant to be a very brief lifelong affair.  If we are to ‘work on a relationship’, the relationship that calls for the most attention is our relationship to Christ. 

  In Christian circles, we have developed a significant amount of resources designed to help strengthen our marriages.  Most of them are wonderful.  Is it not possible, as noble as the cause may be that we occasionally snub the true lover of our soul in the process? 

  What I’m advocating isn’t necessarily a recipe for a successful marriage, although, most of the time, if our hearts really are walking in step with Jesus, the overflow out of it tends to improve our relationships with other people.

    If I grow in my relationship with God having the love of Christ, the peace of Christ, the patience of Christ, the kindness of Christ and the gentleness of Christ, what kind of impact do you think it would have on my marriage?  And if in growing more like Christ doesn’t make me a better husband, what kind of God am I seeking after anyway?  An authentically deepening relationship with Jesus, often benefits the relationships we have with others.  (Often, not always)

  There are no guarantees in life.  If you were to pour all of your attention into your marriage, you are only one part of the equation.  Sorry folks.  Wives leave perfectly decent husbands.  And there are husbands who leave, even when they have a good thing going.  Even if you do everything you possibly could, you might not find yourself capable of maintaining the relationship.

   I won’t ask you to model your marriage after mine.  I won’t even ask that you seek to be married.  I would encourage you to either receive or to remain in fellowship with Christ.  Our relationship with Him deserves the attention.

 (Unless your God is dead, and unable to make you more like Christ.  In that case, work on your marriage.)