Do You Want Me To Love You?

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of catching up with a young man who used to be one of THEM. Sitting in a small coffee shop in the north end of Aylmer, we talked about many things. We recalled fondly the days when we first met. We talked about the goings on in our current lives, the challenges of married life and our role in the workplace. We talked about God, what he’s doing in our lives as well as some of our personal struggles.

During our time together, I took some time to share with him a story from my work life. The story recalls the events of a conversation I had with one of my coworkers.

The Story

As I recall, it was in the dead of winter, just before the time when we open the doors to the public. Timothy walked in the doors, carrying a bewildered expression on his face.

“What’s wrong with old people?” he asked.

Inquisitive, I responded, “What do you mean?”

“Well. I’m driving to work, and there is this old guy crossing Main St. in front of me. He takes like forever to cross, so I had to wait for him to get to the other side. It’s 7:30am in the morning! What was he doing up at that time of the day anyway? When I retire, I’m not going to get up that early. Isn’t it dumb? What do they have that is so important to do? What do you think?”

Timothy stood quietly, waiting for my response. As I think on the moment, what probably took a matter of seconds, draws on for an hour or so as I replay the
scene as it happened in my mind. The question I thoroughly pondered within those few seconds went something like this; “Do I tell him what I really think?”

I mean, I have had conversations like this with Tim before, and whenever I have told him what I actually thought, they had always tended to pull us into some kind of argument. Would it be worth the effort to tell him what I actually thought? Did we have time for the discussion anyway? We were supposed to be opening the store to the public in minutes.

As I considered his question and reflected on his story, my mind was remembering the conversations I have had with some of the elderly people in my life. The explanation I received from them time after time was very consistent from person to person. Their stories each echoed something to this effect;

When you spend your entire working life getting up to go to work at 6:00am, it’s impossible to stop just because you are retired. It’s difficult to reverse a habit that you have developed during your entire adult life.

Should I have shared that with Timothy? If the conversation devolved into another conflict, would it be worth it? I decided against honesty.

I just smiled and nodded my head. I really didn’t think he valued my opinion, even though he asked for it.

Back at the Coffee Shop…

My friend sat back in his chair, giving me a thoughtful glare. “Kevin. Can I be honest with you?”

“Of course you can.”

“I don’t think you really love that guy.”

Pausing for a moment, I had to acknowledge he was right. I really didn’t believe that pursuing an authentic relationship with Timothy was worth the aggravation. However, I often question whether or not Timothy even wanted me to love him in the first place. Would he have received it well, were I to set him straight on his perception of the elderly?

Whenever I speak, whether in person, on stage, in an e-mail, through a book or in a blog post, I often wonder who you are and if you really want me to love you or not. If you are a non-believer, do you want me to love you? It’s a fair question isn’t it? I often check out message boards and chat rooms, hearing similar complaints from non-believers,

“Christians shouldn’t try to force their religion on other people.”

Personally, I don’t think it’s even possible to force a personal faith in Jesus on another human being. However, there is a deep rooted resistance among many to be presented the good news that we have peace with God through faith alone in Christ alone.

Is that you? If you really don’t want me to give you a Bible, invite you to church or ask you to receive Christ as Lord and Saviour, you have no idea of how fine I am with that. If spending eternity apart from Christ is fine with you, I’m okay with it too. I hear it’s pretty horrible, but if you don’t care, then I’ll do my personal best not to care.

If you don’t like being told about Jesus, I have great news. Most Christians don’t want to tell you about him either. The ones you think might be trying to “force their faith” on you probably actually love you more than those who leave you alone. (Notice my use of the word, “probably”. It’s not always the case.)

As I have worked through my latest book, Alien Love, and as I recount my conversation at the coffee shop with my friend, I realize that I have loved very few people authentically. My coffee shop friend has been among the few.

When he was going out with his girlfriend, I used to wonder if he was fornicating. On the outside, they were both professing to be following Christ so I was hoping that they were able to remain faithful to Him in their relationship with each other.

How do you ask that sort of thing? Do you just come out and ask? “Hey! Are you two doing the nasty? It’s a sin you know.”

I don’t remember how I asked them, but I do vividly remember their response. They each smiled and paused to look into each other’s eyes. Looking back at me they responded, “We’re waiting for each other.”

You can do whatever you want with your life and I’ll still love you. Yet, if you really want me to care about you, I’ll need to know, because if I don’t perceive that you welcome my input into your life, I’ll just smile and nod.

I promise that I’ll only care as much as you want me to. If you tell me to leave you alone, I am completely fine with that. How forthcoming do you want to be with those whose lives intersect with your own? To what extent do we actually want the honest input of others into our lives?

If you’re characterized by a dirty mind, or a dirty mouth, do you want me to be fine with it? Should I be? If you’re thinking of walking out on your family because it’s not fun anymore, what do you really expect me to say?

Likewise, seeing as this is sent out to anyone in the world with internet access, I’m not so sure how much I want you to be completely forthcoming to me.

Kevin

PS – Timothy. Did you want me to love you? Or are you glad that I just smiled and nodded?