How Do You Discipline Your Kids?

The question seemed to come out of the blue. “How do you discipline your kids?” At first, I had a hard time understanding what was being asked of me. What comes to mind when you hear the question? In many ways, the question might be substituted for, “Do you spank your kids?”, or “What do you do when they do bad stuff?” These are the kinds of questions that we see researched and debated in our world.

In my opinion, rather than asking what should be done when Johnny when he spills his milk, the bigger question should sound something like this: “Who am I as a parent?”

Think about it. If your heart is as black as coal, what kind of parenting techniques do you really think could possibly make you effective as a mom or a dad? Seriously though. In our world, we’re much more concerned with our driving privileges than we are our roles as parents. A customer of mine once said, “We have to be licensed to drive a car, but any fool with a functioning set of genitals can help make a kid.”

This would be a great time to rail against dads who come home drunk and beat their families. Or I could spend the afternoon venting at the mom who would rather party with her friends while grandma holds custody of her new baby. I’d probably have a lot of fun doing that. However, as my friends have pointed out, drugs and alcohol aren’t the only things that can impair our judgment as parents.

I have a confession to make. When I was a new father, I really didn’t like my kids. True story. It’s not that I didn’t like them. After all they were great kids. I just didn’t like my role in their life. I resented the responsibility and the effect that they had on my finances. It’s an age old story. “Once the kids came along, the toys
had to go.”

Being a husband I liked. Being as husband was fun. Sex was fun. (Still is.) Going out for dinner was fun. I enjoyed my role as a husband, because it gave something to me. Being a dad, demanded much more of my person.

In all seriousness, how could a man with that mindset possibly ‘discipline’ properly? Don’t hate me and don’t think less of me. In August of ’09, Macleans magazine reports that columnist Anne Landers asked her readers, “If you had it to do over again, would you have children?” Seventy percent of respondents said, “no”.

That’s a lot of people. It was just a poll, so it may or may not be an accurate picture. If it is accurate, it means the majority of children are growing up in households where they aren’t exactly wanted. Whether spoken implicitly or forthright, being a burden on the people who brought you into the world must carry with it a certain shadow of misery.

If it wasn’t for Christ’s intervention in my life, I shudder to think of how my life as a dad would have looked, and it’s not just about the drinking or the drugs. He gave me a love for my children that was not of my own character. I truly revel in who they are, without regard for what I get back from them. That in itself underlies everything I do or don’t do as a dad.

I have no idea of the condition of your heart. You can tell me if you like. Rather than asking whether or not you spank, if you do drugs or how you deal with temper tantrums, tell me this...
What are you made of?