It's Your Dad's Fault That You Turned out This Way.

There are many ways in which the love of God is lived out in those who receive Him. You hear of missionaries who leave their comfortable homes, only to live in some remote region of Africa, eating bugs and slime because they have a heart for the people there. Some believers bring homeless people into their homes. It’s common for churches to do their part in stocking the shelves of the local food bank. When I lost my job 10 years ago, some anonymous people from church helped my wife and I by giving us $1,500 to try and make a new start.

If you walk in Christian circles for any length of time, you might run into people who leave their ‘secular’ jobs for positions in ministry which pay significantly less. You might get to know believers who intentionally move to a poorer part of town in order to be better placed to help the disadvantaged. You may cross paths with people who take orphans into their home, work with the homeless or walk alongside of people who struggle with addictions of various forms. There isn’t a cookie cutter mould, but these are some of the ways that love pours itself out of those who have received the Spirit of Christ.


If I ever write another book on this subject, I’ll likely write about these and many other ways in which the love of God expresses itself through His people. Love is patient, so it’s not uncommon to find believers who are waiting on God or waiting for marriage. Love is kind, so you find many charities and organizations which have strong Christian roots. Perhaps you have heard of World Vision, or Compassion.

For this book and for this chapter, I want to look at one characteristic of love in particular and how it demonstrated itself in the life of someone that I know. We’re told in 1Corinthians 12 that love keeps no record of wrongs, and I have been blessed to see that aspect of love demonstrated in the life of a close friend of mine. His name is Manuel. As you picture Manuel, imagine some tall, dark, dashing Spaniard, fast enough to run with the bulls.

Among the general population, Manuel could easily justify living a life of bitterness and resentment more than most. Although I have the privilege of knowing him, I have a difficult time envisioning the kind of childhood that he endured. I don’t have a list of Manuel’s sins and neither would I want to. For whatever he did and did not do as a child, Manuel had been labelled as the, “bad child”. As if it wasn’t enough to be labelled as such, he was also known as the “not so bright” child of the family. ‘Bad and dumb.’ Those were the labels pasted upon Manuel by his own family and peers.

Everyone is known for something I suppose. If we’re made to feel bad and dumb often enough, I guess that is what we become. Perhaps that is why Manuel kept the label. In fact, living up to the label seemed to be the only way he could get any sort of attention from his family. On most days, nobody really payed any attention to him at all. If on the other hand, he did something bad or did poorly in school, that would be noticed. Yet, it wasn’t the type of attention that we would consider to be positive.

Manuel’s mom was often the disciplinarian of the family. When he would act badly or perform poorly in school, she gave him attention. The attention he received generally came in the form of chastisement. When disciplining him, she would beat him down with any object she could find. His mom would continue assaulting him until she was simply too exhausted to continue. After beating him beyond her physical ability, she would often lock him in his room for hours.

One would hope that school would provide some respite from the violence; some pause or intermission from the pain. Rather than being a resting place from the conflict at home, it proved to be an extension for more of the same. Living in a predominantly white community, Manuel was constantly tormented because of his racial distinction. For Manuel, English was a second language. For him, it was a new language, which made it difficult to progress at the rate of his schoolmates. He was known as the ‘not so bright’ one both at home, and at school.

That was life. Could anyone blame Manuel if he were to live a life defined by bitterness and resentment? Would it astound anyone if family reunions and Christmas were a time of difficulty? What do you say to the mom who did that to you? How do you draw close to a father who took part himself, if only to allow it to happen? What is it like to get together with a brother or sister who is known to be better and smarter than you are? How can a young man learn to reconcile the past and to recognize the lies for what they were?

Manuel was a young man when He encountered the living person of Jesus Christ for himself. He had received forgiveness for his sins by the One who had freely paid for them with His own blood on the cross of Calvary. Over time, Manuel began to realize the lies for what they were. He came to realize that he wasn’t dumb. Of course English was harder for him than for those who were raised with it, but he wasn’t unintelligent. He wasn’t the bad kid. We are all on a level playing field, we’re all sinners, in need of God’s precious grace.

Manuel had been forgiven and was made right with the One who is above all – God Himself. He had experienced the freedom and the love of God, made real in his heart. Manuel knew that this new life had implications which extended beyond his standing before God. He knew that his relationship with Christ was intended to impact not only his own life, but was meant to have its affect on his family life. As Manuel tells his story, he shares it in this way, “The more I learned about Jesus and having that relationship with Him motivated me to want that with my family.”

How do you do that? Where does one find the strength? Can you put yourself in his shoes? Having encountered Christ for himself, Manuel could no longer progress through life as a victim. He knew that he actually played his own part in the injustice that took place in his home. He had sinned against his family and wanted to confront it for what it was. Having been forgiven by God himself, he also wanted to extend that same forgiveness to the very people who had hurt him the most.

Rather than continuing to live out a crippled and embittered life, Manuel prayed through his fear, remaining focussed on the revealed Word of God. Many people are absolutely scared to death to admit that they are wrong in any capacity. Pride tends to be a tough meal to swallow. Others feel they have been beaten too badly to extend forgiveness to those that have wronged them. By the love, grace and power of God – Manuel did just that.

Manuel chose to use the gift that had been given to him. If you ever meet this tall, dark, dashing Spaniard, I hope that you take the time to know him well enough to hear his story. He likely won’t share it with the whole world, for the sake of the identity of those involved. Life isn’t completely perfect for Manuel. He still has his obstacles to overcome, but by God’s grace, He will overcome, just as he has in the past.

Having received the love of God, Manuel came to understand the intention of that gift. The gift was meant for more than just his own personal edification. That love was meant to be extended to the people in his house. For him, those people actually used to live in the very same house. Today, Manuel has a family of his own. God’s purpose for him now includes, but is not limited exclusively to the people in his literal household. Manuel has been reconciled to God the Father through Jesus Christ our Lord. That reconciliation was also meant to be extended to the people in his life.