No Time

“I just haven’t met many people in the church whom I respect.”

These words were spoken by a fellow ‘churchgoer’ of mine about 3 years ago. These are comments that frequently come to mind when I stand back and consider my own faith journey and judging by how my relationship has developed with this man, I doubt that I am among the chosen few who have garnered his respect.

My dilema as of late happens to be just the opposite. In fact, it is a growing problem of mine. It is not the kind of problem that keeps me awake at night, rather, it happens to be the manner of issue that simply requires my attention on an increasing and ongoing basis. My problem is that I happen to have a great deal of respect for the many people that God continues to place in my life’s path.

At work today, one of my customer/brothers messaged me saying that it would be great to get together some time. It would be great. Near the end of my work day, I was visited by two young men from my former “church”. Our time together was brief and I found myself missing the days that we have spent together, wishing for more time with them. I am glad that they have each other and hope that they are able to minister to each other’s need.

In my e-mail inbox at home, I have an email that is waiting to be answered. It’s an invitation to take a road trip to the US to listen to Rick Warren. I’d like to go. I have old friends from my high school days that would like to get together with me. That would be great too. I really want to spend some time with one of my co-workers. We were planning to get together with our families for prayer, but it just hasn’t worked out. One of the men that I have been meeting with on a weekly basis called me this week and asked when we could get together again. I told him that it wouldn’t likely be until Septemeber. I think this upset him.

On my facebook last night, another guy that I would like to get to know better suggested that I take him out for a donut. And there is my newer friend who used to be a movie star, but now he is a child of the Living God. And the guy who used to be a pastor, but his congregation sucked the life out of him. Every time we get together we remark that it has been too long. I haven’t had any one on one time with my pastor in what seems like forever.

If I was a full time pastor and I could devote a significant amount of time to the people who are an active part of my ministry, perhaps then I would have enough time. :-) It gets easy for pastor’s right? They have all week to do the things that we as believers are called to do…..

(Wonders if M.K. will take the bait on that one. I am sooo dead. But smiling.)

When I say ‘no’, please know this – I’m not blowing you off because I don’t believe in you or because I think you are a bother. I really would like to have more time with you, but I’m spread so thin at the moment, and perhaps for some time into the foreseeable future. What will I ever do if it gets worse?

In a way, I feel like a hypocrite. Over the past several years of my ministry, I have encouraged other s to seek out and to cultivate Godly relationships. Then when someone considers me and asks me for some of my time, I tell them that I’m too busy. It sounds cruel.

It isn’t that I have hordes of people clawing at the edge of my robe, trying to get a piece of me. It isn’t like that. It’s more like, there are so many people whom I respect and would like to have more times to walk with them. I’m growing to appreciate the church as it is more and more, am so thankful to have a place within the body of Christ and want to make the most of it during the short time that we have here on this side of glory.

I’m thankful for the rocks of faith that God has placed in my life. I’m thankful for the young believers, still drinking milk and trying to wrestle through the consequences of their bad choices past. I’m thankful for the tares, the ones who didn’t get it, but kept listening anyway until they did ‘get it’. Not that I can place the labels on anyone, but I was a tare for so long, and it frightens me to think that some believers would have prefered to kick me out of the fellowship before I was awakened.

I write this in the hopes that if you feel that I have let you down, that you could find a way to forgive me. I know you know I am not your personal Jesus connection, nor you mine. I look forward to the day where time really is without end. I also fear that as I continue to say 'no', that the day will come when you stop asking.

Love Kevin