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This morning I was talking with a good friend of mine. We were talking about how frustrating it can be sometimes when you reach out to someone, but the sentiments aren’t reciprocated. Have you ever called someone who failed to call you back? Have you ever invited someone over to dinner, but they never seemed to value you enough to invite you over to their home?
Most of the time, when we have given of ourselves and get very little in return, it’s in our instinct to carry feelings of frustration, and even resentment. As I write those words, I’m thinking of someone I know who I have heard say the following on more than one occasion.
“I feel like I just give and give and I never get anything back. Why do I bother? I think I’ll just live the rest of my life looking after my own interests.”
To be honest, I feel that way myself sometimes. Sometimes when I give a gift, I say that I don’t want anything in return, but something inside of me is hoping that I’ll get something back. I don’t know what it’s like in your life. The scenario might play itself out in your family life. You’ve reached out to your sibling, son or parent, but they don’t even return your calls or even want to come to your home. The only reason they visit you at Christmas is some obscure expression of guilt or obligation. How do you handle that?
Luke 14:12-14 (New Living Translation)
12 Then he turned to his host. “When you put on a luncheon or a banquet,” he said, “don’t invite your friends, brothers, relatives, and rich neighbors. For they will invite you back, and that will be your only reward. 13 Instead, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. 14 Then at the resurrection of the righteous, God will reward you for inviting those who could not repay you.”
The life that Jesus calls us to is a life that thinks and acts radically different than the way in which we have been programmed. He tells us, that if someone invites us back, that in a way, we’re actually worse off than if the favour had been reciprocated. We’re told that we’re better off to demonstrate kindness to people who won’t pay us back. He says it will be better for us, because God will reward us at the time of the resurrection.
He specifically tells us to look beyond our friends, brothers, relatives and neighbours and to put our energy into people who are unable to repay our kindness. I’m not quite there yet, but I have begun to be at peace when my kindness isn’t returned.
This past week I helped a friend of mine and they gave me a gift card in appreciation. I’m very thankful for the giftcard, but God says that I have already received my reward. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
So true. Actually, I find there are some I expect a return on my investment, in particular people I don't like much. Others, I have no expectation of a return as I simply do things because I like them. Kind of a reverse on what you said above. I also like to to things for people I don't know as there is no return expected at all, because I don't know who I helped. I also understand more as well - people are busy and may wish to return the investment, but forget. I do that way too often and I hope others forgive me.
ReplyDeleteYou've hit on something. I think that love is at the heart of the matter. Likewise, sometimes I give or do things for people that I really don't like. When we truly love someone, we really don't care what, if anything, comes back.
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ReplyDeleteI left out a very important word!
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite phrases when discussing gifts/exchanges and the sort is "it's not a contest".
i.e. I have always believed that, if you visit someone, they don't "have" to come back within a certain timeline. Or, if you send them a Christmas card, they don't have to send you one back.
I remember at FCC, a person would get really put out if, after sending an email to someone, they did not get a reply back saying that they had read it. It got to the point where this staff member nearly broke down and quit over it!
So when it comes to reciprocity, where does it end? On the flip side - perspective means a lot. You may give a gift that you put a big value on. The receiver may simply say, Thank You, and consider that a sufficient reply. Or, if you are Oprah, you would give them a new car.