The Pagan Thinking Christian

I don’t know how much you are interested in our decision to purchase another vehicle or to produce solar electricity. My latest OPA application didn’t go through again. I’m positive that I submitted it properly. At the moment, I don’t feel that it’s worth the effort. So much for earning my green arm patch. And the truck – if we get one, it likely won’t be brand new. It’s a longish story, and I don’t think it’s important enough to tell.

Today however, I was asked a question which has bigger implications,

“Kevin, do you think that you will be publishing your second manuscript?”

My first response was, “Yes. I intend to publish it, but haven’t settled on a publisher just yet.” After giving that response, I’ve seriously been questioning the whole venture. I won’t bore you with the areas of the work which are deficient in my opinion. I just don’t have peace about the matter, and neither can I tell you what exactly would give me that assurance.

Sometimes I question what separates me from being a literal pagan. When making my decisions, I spend much of my time looking for ‘signs’. When the venture is difficult I’ll wonder, ‘Maybe this is God saying no.’ As one reader commented on my last post, sometimes difficulties are merely obstacles which test our resolve. I rarely know the difference.

Looking for signs doesn’t resemble the life of simple faith to which we are called in Christ. We’re called to seek His will in all honesty and entrust the matter into His care. Rather than seeking and trusting, I find myself looking to see what kind of hand I am dealt. I might as well buy a set of Tarot cards, because that is in fact the very manner of thinking that I default to.

Rather than looking for ‘signs’, I am intentionally doing two other things at the moment. I’m going to pray and I’m going to wait. I don’t know how long I will do these two things. That’s why I’m doing them to begin with.